Saying goodbye

I’m leaving this blog for good. It’ll stay up, but that’s it. I’ll log out and forget about it. I will open a new blog, I doubt anyone whom currently follows me will find it. Goodbye, farewell, if you find my new blog, then I must say, well done. As it’s something that is a polar opposite to this blog.

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A Letter to Myself.

Dear… Bunny. I am calling you “Bunny” as that is currently, at the time of writing this, your screen-name. I’m here to tell you, a bit about you. Because sometimes you forget. Sometimes you forget, that you are more than “just shy”. Sometimes you forget, that you don’t need to, nor will you, “come out of your shell”. What even is this shell, anyway? A shell of shyness? A shell of… more than that. This “shell” contains fear. An extreme fear of talking, that makes you sick to your stomach. A literal feeling of sickness in your stomach. [What else could it be?] Wanting to just scream; to make as many panicky sounds as you can. Because making sounds is the best way; it makes sense. Talking doesn’t make sense, it’s confusing in so many ways. This is you. Don’t ever try to be the girl who can talk about anything and everything to anyone at all. [The wording sounds nice] You’ve been told your whole life, that you are “just shy” and that they can get rid of that for you. But nobody can, and why should they? Yes, life – your life – would be much easier without it, these feelings of extreme fear. The feeling of being unsafe and confusion that follows along with it, would all be wiped away. But this is you. It’s how you’ve lived 15 years. Yes, its been stressful, you’ve even wanted to kill yourself at points – but you are here. God has kept you here, God wants you here. God has made you more than “just shy” God has made you… so confusing to others, like how they’re confusing to you, when they talk. He understands you best, and your struggles, too.

The struggles in conversation, when you’re focusing so hard on what they’re saying, yet you still miss bits. It’s like they said nothing at certain parts of the conversation. You feel so stressed and have no way to let it out – you’ve taught yourself to act as… un-panicked as possible when you’re actually feeling an overload of emotions. You’re feeling stressed, worried, scared, upset, angry… yet it’s always seen by others as “just shyness”.

I officially don’t know what shyness is, but something I do know, is that I don’t have it. I have more. Shyness, I would guess, is feeling embarrassed to talk to someone new. Being shy sounds like you generally don’t like big crowds, but once used to it, you’re fine. You take time to get used to the warm water of social activity.

You, Bunny, have taken 15 years and counting, to get used to this foreign water – So why should you? Bunny, why don’t you, just be you? Express yourself and become freed, let your smaller worries fade. People will always judge you, but God is the One whose opinion matters most. His opinion is the only one to matter at all.

Bunny, why don’t you? How come you don’t want to talk to the school counselor anymore? She won’t be like the ones at your old school, hopefully. Past Bunny knows, and so do you, that they ignored you. They treated you… like you where nothing. Like “it’s all normal, it’s okay, it’ll fade.” But it won’t fade, its been 15 years, and only increase has caused. You where like this ever since young, so seek a helping hand. Seek one, and if all fails, hold tight. Hold tight to the hand of God; He’ll never let go of you.

–Written 14/11/2015. 22:17. Firstly written on Tumblr.

Connecting.

Silence needs to be appreciated more. With our hectic lives, how often do we get silence? I mean complete silence. Not a sound to be heard. No cars driving past. No talking. No sounds of footsteps; just silence. Even with a slight background noise, the feeling silence brings can be achieved… it brings a sense of being “here”.

A feeling I had been missing. I lost track of how long. My ears seem sensitive to the daily lives of us all – I wish for silence. A time to reflect and a time to be alone, with yourself. How much time do we spend to ourselves… without the unnecessary? When was the last time we stayed in silence to admire the life around us? The stars within their galaxies, the nature and what’s beyond. Our minds can only reach so far – do you know your minds limits? It might be good to test them. How long can you stay in silence –  the only sounds being of the earth?

Exploring is something we all enjoy, but little numbers of  us explore ourselves; our minds. Our minds are rarely at peace, the world ties us war bound with our own spirit. Silence can be liberating, silence can be pure. A burden lifted off your soul. Ponder on the verses of your Lord whilst you spend time with your soul.

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A.b.R. — A note to bring me back: to earth, to peace and to WordPress. It’s been sometime, but all the time was well-needed. The time was, you could say, a spiritual cleansing, that is still within process. To be completely honest with you, it seems to have only just started.

Eyes – Poem.

Your tail
soft and white
dancing off
the roof-tops
As you leap
to your destiny.

Whiskers feel
the air glide past
paws touch
the cold stone

The water sinks
though your fur
the waves come
crashing in.

The stars shine
beaming down
lighting up
the pathway.

Didn’t I tell you,
there’s a world
all in those
eyes of yours?

As you sit in the cafe,
sipping on your coffee

A world is projected
from your eyes
and I am
the observer.

A.b.R© Royalbluue©

Hello, readers. I haven’t been doing so well lately, so that is the reason for a lacking in poetry. I hope you are all doing well, and writing amazing works. I am more active on Tumblr in this moment in time, (Not posting any writing material) which can be found here and on my information page. ♡Thank you♡

[Blog Post] Living in a dream.

“I lived in books more than I lived anywhere else.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

{I’m still thinking about my last blog post. I’m wondering if I should take it down and act like I never posted it. At this moment, it seems like the best idea. I don’t want to seem needy. I don’t think sharing the past will do anything good.}

Our task today/yesterday(?) is/was to write whilst being inspired by a tweet containing a quote. I must say, it was a bit odd going back onto twitter, and now I wonder how on earth I ever had so many followers. I never did anything special, just followed the crowd. And that was when I realized: I’ve never been me until now. But, thinking back, that’s what I used to think then. All I seem to be doing is going through many different personalities and seeing which one best fits – like picking an outfit. I’ll never find who I am that way, but it’s the only way I know. Following the example of someone else gives you a guide-line, and some rules of what not to do and what to do. But for now, I think I’ll follow the example of my beloved prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), and try to find who I really am whilst doing so. As right now, the only things I know about me are that I am religious and like reading. I seriously don’t know anything else.

Whilst trying to find myself, I have went to books as an aid. A way to escape the reality of life for a few hours. When reading, it feels like finding me doesn’t matter anymore. That I am the characters in the book; that my destiny is all written in these pages yet touched. I think that maybe I’ll find myself in this book, or that book, or a book yet to come. Maybe that’s why I can read a book so quickly, as I’m waiting to have read the last page and say: That’s it, I’ve found myself. Although I know it won’t happen, I still hope that maybe it could, one day.

Maybe I am too hard to understand, and thus, too hard to find. Maybe I am meant to wonder this world unaware of myself. Whatever happens, I hope I can find me sometime soon.

Emotions – Short Writing.

nononou

The pain carried on my shoulders is far too much to bare. The weight of your lies drag me down to the earths ground, I feel my soul tug in agony. My only wish is to break free; to never hear your name again – the one whom destroyed me. Your memory pulls me down, I cannot stay in this world any longer.

RoyalBluue© A.b.R.©

Today our assignment was to take inspiration from a photo. The photo in this post inspired me to write this, as I see the fence as a barrier. This barrier is blocking out the light of goodness for the person. (Sorry for not writing much).

Write// Two short Poems.

I write
To find the soul.

I write
To forget it all.

I write
to become new,
like a flower
in full bloom.


Writing is like a cleansing tool,
can help you fix yourself in noon

When all seems bad and all seems doom
Write, for your emotions shall burst

Write, for you shall find yourself
Once again.

A.b.R

RoyalBluue©. A.b.R.©

Masquerade – Introduction // Circus of Love.

Many people wear many masks.
Their masks hide the evil within themselves,
formed by another.

They wear masks of kindness,
masks of love,
masks of hate
and masks of neglect.

Many people wear many masks.
The only way to protect yourself
when with them, is to be like them.

~

Join the masquerade,
the ever lasting,
masquerade.

Hide your emotions
behind the mask of
happiness,
so you’ll be to blame.

The true emotions of the maskers
is a complex puzzle,
as even they themselves
are uneasy.

Joyful smiles
at the circus,
all too much fun
for a dying soul.

~

Join the masquerade,
as your soul becomes a problem
of the past.

Join the masquerade,
it’s not like
you have a choice.

You’ll forget how long you’ve been,
every soul here cursed with amnesia.
Join the masquerade,
O what fun it is indeed.

~

Forever lost
in the tale of lies;
it’s not like
the truth was ever told.

The masquerade,
for those who drag
there feet through life.

The masquerade,
your new home for eternity.
Switching masks by the day,
the feeling of depersonalization
kicks in play.

* * *

W E L C O M E    T O    T H E    C I R C U S

T H E   C I R C U S    O F    L O V E . . .

* * *

Calling out for help,
Like a child in distress.

Calling out for your hand, like it be Gods.

How I trusted you,
I regret, I regret.

May God forgive the ways we acted,
and may God forgive,
How much I relied on you.

Our pasts became the future,
whilst we disregarded the present.
May God forgive – May God forgive.

We see our future as something of a blur,
Our future so far out of mans reach.

But somehow still,
you took hold firmly.

A.b.R.

Masquerade is something I’ve been thinking about for sometime now. Based from past feelings and events – it’s getting a bit hard to write them down as time passes. I wished to write about what effected me most, but knew that I would be leaving other people’s privacy at the door. I didn’t wish to do so. Poetry like in Masquerade is the type of poetry I would love to make a book out of.

RoyalBluue©. A.b.R.©