[Blog Post] Living in a dream.

“I lived in books more than I lived anywhere else.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

{I’m still thinking about my last blog post. I’m wondering if I should take it down and act like I never posted it. At this moment, it seems like the best idea. I don’t want to seem needy. I don’t think sharing the past will do anything good.}

Our task today/yesterday(?) is/was to write whilst being inspired by a tweet containing a quote. I must say, it was a bit odd going back onto twitter, and now I wonder how on earth I ever had so many followers. I never did anything special, just followed the crowd. And that was when I realized: I’ve never been me until now. But, thinking back, that’s what I used to think then. All I seem to be doing is going through many different personalities and seeing which one best fits – like picking an outfit. I’ll never find who I am that way, but it’s the only way I know. Following the example of someone else gives you a guide-line, and some rules of what not to do and what to do. But for now, I think I’ll follow the example of my beloved prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), and try to find who I really am whilst doing so. As right now, the only things I know about me are that I am religious and like reading. I seriously don’t know anything else.

Whilst trying to find myself, I have went to books as an aid. A way to escape the reality of life for a few hours. When reading, it feels like finding me doesn’t matter anymore. That I am the characters in the book; that my destiny is all written in these pages yet touched. I think that maybe I’ll find myself in this book, or that book, or a book yet to come. Maybe that’s why I can read a book so quickly, as I’m waiting to have read the last page and say: That’s it, I’ve found myself. Although I know it won’t happen, I still hope that maybe it could, one day.

Maybe I am too hard to understand, and thus, too hard to find. Maybe I am meant to wonder this world unaware of myself. Whatever happens, I hope I can find me sometime soon.


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